Sorry about the hurting, yeah?
I was bored and you were there and what else do you want?
Moon
I love seeing the moon in the sky during the day.
It reminds me the world is not alone.
love
She stood so close to me that I was able to see my face in her pupils. My nipples hardened in a desperate try to prove that they still have some purpose in this world.
Inspiring Dream
Crystal had made more money this week with her writing than she had in a long time, and she won a short story contest so it was a productive week. Then she woke up and realized it was only a dream, oh well, she thought, one day I will get there!
Food Fads of The Undead
Bill called Charlie to warn that rampaging, famished zombies were heading his way, but if he gave them chocolate chip cookies, they’d eat the cookies and not his brains.
When the starving zombies arrived, Charlie offered them dozens of chocolate chip cookies, but they ate his brains anyway saying he’d been terribly misinformed, because their latest food fad was chocolate cream pie.
Boring
As she talked, I fell asleep.
Relationship status conversations are boooooring.
Opposites Attract
Of the seven deadly sins of lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride, you have five, while of the seven Heavenly virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility, I possess six.
So your lust trumped my chastity, your gluttony overcame my temperance, my kindness supplanted your greed, my patience outlasted your pride and my humility exacerbated your wrath one morning, which is why our relationship is better than most
A Wonderful New Product
Miss New World Order appeared during a Super Bowl commercial break and announced Jiffy Dog, a space-age miracle product, by which magnificent dogs were created by pouring powder into a bucket, adding tap water, and stirring three times.
Billions of boxes of Jiffy Dog sold instantly, and the world was so enthralled by the product that supplanted real dogs, the Jiffy Corporation quickly introduced two more miracle products: Jiffy Cat and Jiffy Wife.
French
Hey French girl!
Never mind.
Plan
I had this big plan involving my “shit” and “getting it together”.
All the plans involving girls screwed that right up.
Consumed By Love
Orphaned, love-starved Billy discovered that everybody loved pizza, so he figured if he became one he’d finally be loved.
A magic chipmunk turned Billy into a pizza, and gave it to his beautiful sister who tore into it with razor sharp teeth, while proclaiming, “I love pizza more than anything in the world.”
Epiphany
I began to suspect that I was a penguin when I found myself with my head in the refrigerator and an irrepressible appetite for raw fish. I knew at that moment I needed to move south.
Rest In Peace
Obama stood tall at the podium, reading his speech to the millions of hopeful gatherers.
In his grave Martin dropped the chains of his earthly plane, rose up to the light, his work finally finished, his dream alive.
Jump
We stood hand in hand.
Jump, she whispered.
Game
The game we played was called “advance and retreat” and she was a master.
Was it a date or not?
Gone
We were out in the woods “did you see that?” “did you hear that?” she would ask, I saw nothing, I heard nothing. As we ran deeper into the woods it got darker and darker, I asked “did you hear that?” I was alone, he got her.
Shotgun Wedding
When Haitian Maritime Inspector LeHate found a female zombie hiding aboard my cadaver-filled cargo ship, he said, “Abducting zombies from my country is punishable by hanging, but I’ll overlook this if you pay me $5,000 and marry her right now.”
The moment I said, “I do,” and LeHate ordered me to kiss the bride, she bit my lips off, dragged me to the hold, threw me onto a pile of squishy corpses, dropped her gunk-filled drawers, and cackled, “Honeymoon Time.”
Ripples
The mountain lake was calm, mirror-like as she picked up a flat black stone and skipped it across the water causing perfect ripples that reflected wavy treetops in the water. A big black bear snoozing in one of those wavy treetops awoke to see his reflection flipping like he’d lost his horizontal hold and well, it sort of flipped him out causing him to lose his actual hold and splash into the lake where he added to the ripples that reflected wavy treetops.
“Free”
One of them would be free.
The other one would spend the next twenty years writing his memoirs, a best seller, implicating the one who was “free”.
Look
That look on my face?
It’s just the aftertaste of a relationship you haven’t realised is over.