Last night I had an itch that would not let me go to sleep, and I knew what it was; however, as hard as I tried, I could not reach it. So, I stood up all night cursing the person that forgot to take my toe tag off before I was buried.

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Rating: 7.3/10 (96 votes cast)

Demon Doll

Ever since she brought that damn clown doll in the house there have been strange things happening. That night however, was even worse; as she lay her 13 month old baby in her crib in the dark bedroom, the baby’s eyes got really large, and then she held her finger to her lips and whispered, “Shhhh…” at the closet door.

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Rating: 6.8/10 (92 votes cast)


My parents feed my sister through a hole she cut in the door to her room, which she has bolted shut from the inside, because, according to them, she doesn’t want to eat with us anymore.

When I ask why not, my mother said, “She doesn’t like what happened to your other sister.”

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Rating: 8.3/10 (25 votes cast)


No one will rent me an apartment because they say my rental history is ‘spotty.’ I’m not sure why anyone thinks there’s anything spotty about apartments where mass burglaries, arson and a triple homicide happened.

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Rating: 6.3/10 (15 votes cast)


I’m so excited to go home that I didn’t realize the trail of liquid behind me as I walk to my front door. The door opened and I can hear my mom shouting to my dad that I was stabbed multiple times and left to rot in a ditch since yesterday.

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Rating: 5.3/10 (21 votes cast)

All in Good Time

So many on this planet worry about alien attack, invasion and takeover. What we’ve never bothered to tell them is that we won’t waste resources that way; we won’t begin terraforming until their civilization has died off naturally, which will happen much sooner than most believe.

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Rating: 6.2/10 (16 votes cast)

Best Friends Forever

I tell everyone he died in the ocean after our plane crashed, and that I survived for two months on the island by hunting ‘sea birds and other small game.’ He really died about a month after we both swam to shore, and I hit him over the head with that rock so I could live off his remains until they found me.

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Rating: 7.9/10 (25 votes cast)