I woke up this morning with the head of a jelly-baby in my bed.
When the ant mafia want something, give it to them.
Author: admin
Withstand
I used to wonder why you didn’t tell me what happened to you when you were young.
Then I realised it was because you could not withstand my pity.
Peanut butter
The football team called her peanut butter.
Kind of an odd name for such a friendly girl don’t you think?
Ice age
Ice-ages are nothing to be afraid of because we’ve all experienced them.
Facing away from each other in bed, a million miles between you and someone who once said they loved you.
Artistic
They said ‘artistic feminist expressions’.
I said ‘artistic feminist impressions’.
Confession
Ok, I confess!
I filled your room with balloons.
Rings
So putting golden rings around your neck can make it appear longer.
I wonder what else a guy could put golden rings around?
Indie
I laugh when I read “they chose indie over mainstream” or something like that.
They choose indie the same way people choose poverty.
Chocolate
Chocolate dog fetches his caramel ball.
And he is happy.
Bio
Got born.
Did little.
Berries
I’ll be your cherry and you can be my strawberry.
We’ll elope and marry and then what will our parentberries do?
Decisions
All the thousands and thousands of half decisions I barely made eventually accumulated.
And now here I am, a puppet whisperer.
Art
It was a dead sheep covered in rose petals and surrounded in empty soup cans.
Modern art, she scoffed.
Fat
I’d love to be with you!
(You’re not going to get fat are you?)
Silver
Don’t be afraid to call if you need anything.
A silver stake for example.
Negotiations
Now that I’ve declared my love for you I can expect protracted negotiations, give and take, threats, bribes, and then, perhaps, a signing of some type of accord.
Or … you could just say you love me too?
Mythical
Pixies, fairies and the clitoris.
All mythical I tell you!
Jealous
She stepped over her fear and gave me some of her short stories to read.
They were really good but all I said was “did you used to be sad a lot?” because I was so jealous.
Gird
The old guy on the bus said I should “gird my loins for the coming apocalypse”.
Gird means touch, right?
School
Is school a sanding machine that smoothes us all off?
Or is it a hacking machine that cuts off vital parts?