You gave them to me for my birthday and I expect you to honour them.
I don’t care we’re broken up – these sex coupons are still valid!
The Weasel
She could eat the heart right out of a victim, tearing the flesh, wounding to the bone, and devouring the soul.
Who said all weasels had to have four legs?
Janes Jump
Jane looked down from the open door of the plane, her heart beating like a bass drum, and her hands grasping the sides of the doorway for dear life while the wind tried to suck her out before she could jump.
“I can’t do it” she screamed above the roaring in her ears and looking back at her jump partner, but it was too late, when she looked back her foot slid over the side and she was sucked out of the plane.
Alpha and Omega
That morning was like all the other mornings, sludgy and automatic, nothing different about it at all. It wasn’t until he was at work, until the man across the counter raised the gun, that he even realized he’d woken up dead –had always been waking up dead — and that the frozen moment of watching the bullet barrel toward him was going to be the extent of his very short life.
Religious Compatibility
On their first date, she’s curious to know if he’s a man who prays. “Only on the weak,” he says.
Pushing the Limits
Poised on the brink, muscles taut, back straight, Carol dives into history. Slicing the water cleanly, no ripples present, she emerges to eruptions from the crowd and the announcer proclaiming a new record set.
Hide
Love found me.
I said, “now you go hide”.
Adventure
Life is an adventure so dangerous it will cost you your life.
Otherwise, what the fuck are you here for?
Two can play that game
Her love for him was as strong as an ocean current, like a riptide pulling her farther away from him and then bouncing her back, only to have him break her heart again with all his infidelities, until she could no longer take it and in a sudden burst of clarity knew what she had to do to inflict an equal, if not greater, amount of pain on her beloved.
So on October 15th, she married him!
Goldfish
Goldfish piss in the water they live.
Humans allow them to do this.
Blood lamingtons
As the sun set on Jacaranda St, Mrs Jones cut sponge cake into squares and dipped each piece carefully into thick chocolate paste and rolled through the coconut, just as her mother once taught her. But as the shrill of the kettle peaked to a new high, Mr Jones collapsed in his chair, his biscuit falling into his coffee: he was gone at last.
Revolution
I considered starting the revolution.
Then I decided to give in to consumption instead.
Diamond and ruby
Bring me my diamond bananas!
Bring me my ruby spider!
Intelligence & Sacrifice
With all the grace of a dying nation, she dismantled his machines and tore down his monuments. The scars, the fear, the damage he did, they will haunt her forever.
Telepathic Agoraphobe
“He’s just shy,” Grandma insisted, and convinced Henry’s mother to enroll him in daycare despite his tantrums whenever they went to the mall or to playdates.
Tell that to twenty screaming toddlers with simultaneous and spontaneous nosebleeds.
Songs
I’ve still got your songs.
I’ll never delete them.
Two sentence stories
Two sentence stories.
Much better than just one.
Motivation
“I’m going to do this and finally show the world what I am capable of, go against all odds and get that elusive prize I keep reaching for that they keep putting out of my reach,” she said in an incomprehensible grumble as she geared herself for the brave attempt.
Lynn was on the phone ten minutes later exclaiming to her husband Ivan,” Yeah and you know what she went for when she just took her very first steps, not mommy no, the cookies up on the coffee table!”
Work
Garlic, wooden stakes, holy water, crucifix, silver bullets, horseshoes and a blessed bible and I’m off to work!
Corporate mergers and acquisitions mostly.
Waiting
The one thing we’re all waiting for?
It’d be the bloody miracle, wouldn’t it?