Big Stories in Two Little Sentences
Miss New World Order appeared during a Super Bowl commercial break and announced Jiffy Dog, a space-age miracle product, by which magnificent dogs were created by pouring powder into a bucket, adding tap water, and stirring three times.
Billions of boxes of Jiffy Dog sold instantly, and the world was so enthralled by the product that supplanted real dogs, the Jiffy Corporation quickly introduced two more miracle products: Jiffy Cat and Jiffy Wife.
Hey French girl!
Never mind.
I had this big plan involving my “shit” and “getting it together”.
All the plans involving girls screwed that right up.
Orphaned, love-starved Billy discovered that everybody loved pizza, so he figured if he became one he’d finally be loved.
A magic chipmunk turned Billy into a pizza, and gave it to his beautiful sister who tore into it with razor sharp teeth, while proclaiming, “I love pizza more than anything in the world.”
I began to suspect that I was a penguin when I found myself with my head in the refrigerator and an irrepressible appetite for raw fish. I knew at that moment I needed to move south.
Obama stood tall at the podium, reading his speech to the millions of hopeful gatherers.
In his grave Martin dropped the chains of his earthly plane, rose up to the light, his work finally finished, his dream alive.
We stood hand in hand.
Jump, she whispered.
The game we played was called “advance and retreat” and she was a master.
Was it a date or not?
We were out in the woods “did you see that?” “did you hear that?” she would ask, I saw nothing, I heard nothing. As we ran deeper into the woods it got darker and darker, I asked “did you hear that?” I was alone, he got her.
When Haitian Maritime Inspector LeHate found a female zombie hiding aboard my cadaver-filled cargo ship, he said, “Abducting zombies from my country is punishable by hanging, but I’ll overlook this if you pay me $5,000 and marry her right now.”
The moment I said, “I do,” and LeHate ordered me to kiss the bride, she bit my lips off, dragged me to the hold, threw me onto a pile of squishy corpses, dropped her gunk-filled drawers, and cackled, “Honeymoon Time.”
The mountain lake was calm, mirror-like as she picked up a flat black stone and skipped it across the water causing perfect ripples that reflected wavy treetops in the water. A big black bear snoozing in one of those wavy treetops awoke to see his reflection flipping like he’d lost his horizontal hold and well, it sort of flipped him out causing him to lose his actual hold and splash into the lake where he added to the ripples that reflected wavy treetops.
One of them would be free.
The other one would spend the next twenty years writing his memoirs, a best seller, implicating the one who was “free”.
That look on my face?
It’s just the aftertaste of a relationship you haven’t realised is over.
They changed my title because they thought it had more “zazz”.
Fuck them, fuck you, and fuck anyone who bought it because of that.
“Love is obsession–”
“–Reciprocated.”
My face is blue, because Ralph’s feet are green. And the porcelain throne is always white.
Can’t find my stories Muse and Last Night. Are they gone from Two sentence and should I take them out of my website?
Can’t find my stories Muse and Last Night. Are they gone from Two sentence and should I take them out of my website?
I’m not trying to sell you anything she said.
I listened, later kissed her, and in the end, bought.
The big orange cat tiptoed along the top rail of the fence, all the while watching the yapping Chihuahua on the ground below and anticipating reaching the next yard, where the elderly woman waited with a tasty morsel she had saved just for him, after which he continued his outing to the field where he watched robins pulling fat worms from the damp ground and dreamed of robin for supper, then completed his journey back home to his favorite nap spot.
“Tom, you lazy cat,” she said as she arrived home from work, “I’ll bet you have been sleeping there in the sun all day, haven’t you?”