Big Stories in Two Little Sentences
Competition
As if by magic, some handsome stranger came up to me asking me out and offering me the job that I have always dreamed of having for a salary that could buy me a house made entirely of shoes!
It was so surreal that I thought I was dreaming – because I was.
“Do you speak english?”
“no, just american.”
Black, brown, with steamed milk or without, or maybe an espresso or a frappuccino (what’s the difference between that and cappuccino anyway?) – I’m taking my time weighing options to find the best, the perfect choice, and although I know it’s just house policy, the smile she gives me is the sweetest smile, the very definition of beauty: patiently soothing my insecurity, assuring me that my choice, if and when it comes, will be appreciated, while I’m determined to make the most of this moment, aware that her smile distracts and delays me even more. Amanda was right, I really needed to get out more.
She didn’t like going to her neighbor’s house, 3 doors down, because there were no streetlights with the trees casting a frightening shadow under the moon’s light, and it was always deathly silent on their street, but they had asked her to feed their cats while they were gone for two days, so with trepidation she approached the door, only to hear a sudden, terrifyingly, booming roar, followed by vicious growling, a man’s commanding voice, and bright lights flashing in the bedroom.
After she recovered from her shock, and still clutching her chest where her heart would be if it hadn’t fallen down to her stomach, she remembered that they leave Animal Planet on the television for their cats!
After three days without eating and three nights without sleeping I realised that she had stolen my heart.
An hour later I noticed the bitch had taken my watch too.
She had thought they were her friends, yet suddenly, when she spoke, it seemed that they all stopped talking, and when she made a comment, they were all suddenly done with the conversation, leaving her hanging out there in nothingness. She hung out less and less, tried to let go, as they clung tenaciously to each other, shutting her further out, never knowing that they were all she really had, for without them, her life was unbearable, and so – wondering if anyone would even notice she was gone – she swallowed the rest of the pills and smiled, knowing that after tonight, she wouldn’t be around for anyone to abuse anymore.
Sonya sat there with her filthy face and greasy gray hair, cloaked in a tattered coat, with her grocery cart full of her only worldly possessions next to her, while the city walked by her as if she was invisible or too below them to even take notice of her shivering in the cold.
Opening her jacket pocket she pulled a faded 25 year old news clipping in which she stood posing for the photo dressed in a regal gown, hair perfectly coiffed, face shining and she reread the almost invisible headlines with tears in her eyes, ”Nobel Peace Prize Winner Sonya Johanssen”.
He rode off into the night, mittens of soft fog closed around them, momentarily brushing across his face and touching the flanks of the horse as if protecting hands were reaching down from above, pushing them safely along on their journey.
It was fitting somehow that the fierce battle earlier in the night between brave William and faithless Lord Drak, had ended with Drak bleeding on the ground, slain under the bright moon with a sword, which had been guided by an unseen but ever present hand, and the conquering champion William now riding off into a mist enshrouded night, traveling by faith alone through the darkness, unscathed.
Every day she saw the kids, grouped in a suspicious huddle under a pepper tree in the local park,and decided not to call the police.
Her mother’s pain was significantly eased by the hash cakes made from theproduct of the young drug dealers.
The SWOOSH as the ball is collected by the force of the tightly angled clubface is enough to make you sigh with relief. Then watching it fly swiftly through the air, before making a sharp right turn toward the trees is enough to make you cringe.
The grasshopper
was large,
and still,
and as I got closer
clearly brave
or stoned
because it didn’t move,
even when I was a footfall away.
Then I realized; it had happened to die standing on all six legs.
The closet was her favorite place to hide when she was little. Now she is twelve and that’s where they found her hanging.
The platform snaps open beneath the man’s brown shoes, and in an instant those shoes disappear as his neck pops against the noose, his feet swinging and clapping together. The crowd about August cheers — or perhaps they only give murmurs of approval; the world awaiting death is oft more quiet than that of life.
Hurro!
The third weekly winner is “Free” by Jean Blasiar. Prize of $50 AUD. Enough to buy a micro-advertisement printed on the wing of a butterfly.
Why I love “Free”
The unknown presumed crime intrigues me. What could possibly happen so one person is free from responsibility yet the other is not? Then what could possibly happen to fill an entire book? I think I imagined some Russian scandal, a 1984-ish world where two party members disagreed and that disagreement lead to betrayal.
I particularly like it for the implied connection between the two people in the story. Perhaps they were friends, co-creators, a team working together to make something great. Then, as some teams do … it all broke down in a flurry of lawsuits and accusations.
Congratulations!
Comma Comma, killer of winners
There are a few stories I love but won’t win because of misplaced commas. I know what they’re trying to say but what they are saying is something else.
I suggest trying out your story (and all writing in general) sans commas to see if it still is correct. Peppering needless commas in the place of mental pauses is incorrect.
If you are using commas parenthetically, like this, then you need to ensure if the phrase enclosed within commas was removed the sentence is still correct.
– You might notice a “that” could be added to the above sentence. But would this improve the comprehension of the sentence? This is the purpose of grammar – to improve and enhance comprehension.
“Commas,” said Mathew, “go inside quotation marks when writing dialogue.”
“Certainly,” said the three-toed sloth, not looking up from the chessboard.
Enough grammar. Wikipedia’s comma article is a good read.
I’ve struggled with awarding prizes to fantastic stories that have a grammatical problem. My writer half says chill out and award it with a corrected version below. My editor half is strict and wants to karate-chop anyone committing a grammatical error (myself included). Should I privately write back to the author and show them how to improve their work? Or should I do so publicly so everyone can learn from it? Argh, I don’t know. Suggestions welcome.
BIG prizes next week!
Next Sunday I’ll be awarding a $150 first prize, a $100 second prize and a $50 third prize!
All stories entered up to 6pm Sunday 1st March (Australian East coast time) are eligible for prizes. Write write write! Swamp the site!
Clarification: (because clarity is what good writing is all about) — ALL entries for the entire competition time and all new entries are eligible for the grand prizes. That means an entry from weeks ago can win and one submitted at three minutes to six on March 1st can win!
Cheers,
Mat
The bullet ripped through his camo,
knocking him down.
He closed his eyes and pondered what the definition of a country really was.
Sometimes one sentence is enough to express your feelings.
Not now.
“Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator”
She made her away towards the stage, her heart beating like crazy, her legs felt like jelly and her hands just wouldn’t stop shaking. She stood there and stared at all the people staring back at her, then she opened her mouth and sang her song, and everyone was entranced by her voice and the lyrics that she had written.
I imagine the waves crashing rhythmically against the shore, magnificent and powerful, crashing and waning, crashing and waning, but now the rhythm takes on a melancholy feeling and the desperation creeps back and the crashing waves become a drum beat and the drum beat becomes a heartbeat and I feel panicked and lonely. Damn it!
The assignment for their science project was to demonstrate the law of gravity and document the effects. One boy filmed the other dropping bricks off the expressway overpass.