Category: Two Sentence Stories

Drunk on the couch again, but this time I can hear thunder outside.
Wonder if I’ll forget this night.

It happened so gradually that I didn’t really notice how I changed.
I suppose it started when I bought that silver belt buckle and now four years later everyone just refers to me as “the Cowboy”.

I broke my fall.
Next up, I’ll break my winter.

I match people with movie titles.
You used to be Clueless but now you’re just Jackass.

If you really knew how much I cared you would have walked across to me.
Instead you sit and talk and think that will work rather than just standing up and coming over.

Best, most satisfying invention, like ever?
Vagina – by God.

Hey babe, let’s go home and do a little meat-packing.
I’ll bring the meat.

I know!
Let’s make a movie about you and then everyone can just watch that and then you can shut the fuck up about yourself because everyone will say “oh, I’ve already seen that!”

You were just a butterfly drifting through life.
I was just a big hungry spider sitting in my web.

Let’s all chant it, because it is so true!
Hip-hip-hooray for sex!

Every time you talk marketing with me I imagine you saying “would you like fries with that?”
Please quit and give it a try – I think you’d be really good at it!

Mmm … yummy!
Your hollow praise is so delicious!

Why bother trying to get out of your rut?
Dig the ground out from those around you and make them fall.

I’ve kissed so much corporate ass that I don’t even notice the taste anymore.
Other people can smell it though, and see the stains.

The search for truth is long and hard.
So is a penis, ha ha.

So all the baby boomers have tied up the housing market and made it impossible for people like me to ever buy a house.
The only solution is to start murdering old people to move some property back onto the market!