My girlfriend and I just got an ultrasound of our first baby. I don’t know what’s creepier, the fact that our baby has cloven hooves, horns, and a tail or the fact that my girlfriend is a virgin.
Author: twosentencestories
Noises
Every night I hear strange noises coming from the basement, but my wife says it’s just rats. I know she’s wrong, rats don’t whisper “we’re gonna kill you”.
Brained
Struggling for a muse did I stumble forth into the gibbering maw of the world. I fell into the Grave clutching the baby-blue journal that freed my soul and the brick that both chained It and mashed my head in.
I sat at my computer, wondering if I could create a story with only two sentences. A moment later I realized that I already had.
Help
“You’re about to sleep and put your blanket on, one of your leg is freezing because it’s not covered by the blanket; you’re afraid of monster touches your leg. Then you cover it, and you pull the blanket to your head until it’s covered, under the blanket you sigh, yet it’s already there.”
Help
“You’re about to sleep and put your blanket on, one of your leg is freezing because it’s not covered by the blanket; you’re afraid of monster touches your leg. Then you cover it, and you pull the blanket to your head until it’s covered, under the blanket you sigh, yet it’s already there.”
Help
“You’re about to sleep and put your blanket on, one of your leg is freezing because it’s not covered by the blanket; you’re afraid of monster touches your leg. Then you cover it, and you pull the blanket to your head until it’s covered, under the blanket you sigh, yet it’s already there.”
Help
“You’re about to sleep and put your blanket on, one of your leg is freezing because it’s not covered by the blanket; you’re afraid of monster touches your leg. Then you cover it, and you pull the blanket to your head until it’s covered, under the blanket you sigh, yet it’s already there.”
For Heroes Proved
From beneath the misty shadows of the capitol dome, he rose from his sidewalk bed and brushed his cold fingers across the color-worn medal of valor rusting upon his collar. Soon the masses came, marching past in an encore parade of the every day and he raised his outstretched palm in solitary salute.
The Last Believer
I have wronged every person that I have ever known and she is the only one of them that stood by me. I’m looking into the eyes of my last believer.
Snowman
Last winter, my neighbors built the creepiest snowman I’ve ever seen. It got even creepier when I saw it standing in front of my house, staring through my living room window, in the middle of July.
The Butcher
Opening up a butcher shop was the best idea I’ve ever had. I just hope people don’t ask me what kind of meat I sell, or why their kids keep disappearing.
Dream
Last night I dreamt that a hideous creature with glowing red eyes and long, pointed claws was standing at the foot of my bed watching me sleep. When I woke up this morning, I discovered it wasn’t a dream.
Rain
Since it’s been raining so much lately, I’ve been staying home most nights. It’s a drag for me, but I guess the neighbors are glad their kids have stopped disappearing.
Children
I love children. They taste so much better than adults.
Vampires
My father assured me that vampires don’t exist. Of course, that didn’t make me feel any better since it was the only explanation I had for why he kept drinking my blood.
Intruder
When I heard a man’s voice coming from the kitchen, I snuck down the stairs and bludgeoned him to death with a baseball bat. I probably should’ve done something less drastic, after all, it was his house.
Lavender
Her skin is so soft and smells like lavender. I wonder how many more times I can wear it before the smell of decay covers it up.
I love you
Sex never even crossed my mind, until two
hours and four beers later, you said I love you. Oh well.
Childhood
I ran carelessly through the green fields, wind playing hide and seek in my hair, and rain hop scotching down my nose and on to my awaiting tongue.
For I am a child again.