He held her to him and sobbed. When she woke up she wouldn’t remember a thing, and it was all his fault.
Faking it
Despite having many jobs where people call me a writer I still don’t believe it.
(I’m just faking it everybody …)
Lemons
I don’t really have any inner demons.
I’ve got inner lemons though.
Sasha’ surprise
Hank was shocked. He realized that Sasha’s surprise was bigger than his.
I understand completely that you love me.
But do you obsessively write about me in little notebooks that will be found after your death?
The Ride
During her ride in the elevator, Linda had a hard time ignoring the large black garbage bag that was on the floor in the corner of the lift. The shiny bag sat upright and it was pointing at her and laughing.
Training
My training with you was just fantastic and so totally worthwhile for my future.
When I need to stay up to 3am, crying and discussing a relationship I am so going to rock at it!
Scent
“What’s that seductive cologne you have on?”
“Male sweat.”
Werewolf
“I can relate to your experience with Bipolar Disorder,” He said. “I suffer from lycanthropy.”
Compulsion
An hour passed until she came back from the bathroom.
“Twiggy,” I said, “want a cookie?”
Doctors
Slap; white gloves touching ivory bottoms, and now it’s just breath in and out, in and out. Then it pops out.
Cubicle
Welcome to corporate slavery and meaningless drudgery.
Oh, I mean welcome to your cubicle.
Surrounded
When you’re surrounded by assholes there is only one thing to do!
Lube up baby.
The Racist Pig
“You’re a racist pig,” someone shouted from the crowd.
Oink Johnson wiped the sweat off of his snout and replied, “Hey, I just won the Boston Marathon, didn’t I?”
New particles
Physicists are currently working to discover all kinds of new particles.
I’ve got one for them: fuckingboredatworkidium.
Hypochondria
I don’t understand why people spend their lives hiding from the prospect of death. Somewhere along the way I guess they forgot life was out there too.
Feel for you
I really do feel for you.
Not pain, but what I imagine pain to be like.
Rest of you
I wanted to fight injustice and save the world!
Instead I had to sell out just like the rest of you.
Echo
“I have worth,” he screamed. Came back: naught but a cold wind, and the echo of his loneliness.
Meek
Great, so the world belongs to the meek.
What the fuck am I going to do with my jumbo-mega-destructor laser cannons now?