“You’ve got to be a bit more like me,” Walter’s friend told him, “and get a stiff upper lip.”
“That lip’s about to be a lot stiffer,” Walter answered, “right after I punch you in the face.”
Heathen
They ate chocolate in Bruges, cheese in Parma, and paella in Seville. At the end of the trip, they both agreed none of these was really markedly better than when they had eaten them at home.
Tongue-tied
He thought the language barrier worked the other way around. He tended to have much more success with women who couldn’t understand a word he was saying.
Ancient Remedy
She asked her instructor whether or not Aeneas had ever really loved Dido, and he answered: “Yes, of course; but just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they’re good for each other.” She suddenly stopped hating her ex-boyfriend.
The Awkward Silence
I sat there before my ex-lover’s new wife, knowing I looked like another world to her. I felt like an ambassador from a place she wished to know nothing about and I was fairly certain she hated my shoes.
Resignation II
They had tried everything to make their neighbor next door turn down his music—all to no avail. Now every time the walls began to throb with the night’s unsolicited soundtrack, they just looked at each other, spastically flung themselves around in a parody of passionate dance, and then got back to whatever they’d been doing before.
Bravado
She overheard some girls gossiping about the too-short skirts she wore. For a moment, she was embarrassed but the next day she paired something skimpy with four-inch heels and dared them to roll their eyes.
The Return
Big, round tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she packed away all her belongings. She wasn’t sad to leave, she just didn’t want to go home.
The Advocate
His parents felt very guilty about having exposed him to so many of their arguments and wondered how much they had damaged him. He saw things differently: all those years spent trying to understand both sides of the story were what led him to become a lawyer.
The Loss
She rushed to fill her new home with fine furniture, antiques, and paintings. When the house went into foreclosure, she felt doubly depressed thinking she could have afforded to keep it with simpler furnishings and actually lost it by trying to perfect it.
Repetition
He couldn’t comprehend the fuss over uniqueness in art or the commonly-held belief that what was repetitive was mechanistic, common, and of little value. He considered the fact that eating, drinking, pissing, and bathing were daily occurrences as proof that repetition could also be deeply human and an invaluable necessity for our continued existence.
Resentment
Allison was terrified she might be pregnant when Bridget stepped in with a quick run to CVS for a pregnancy test, with so many hugs while Allison cried, with clothes when Allison’s swelling belly could no longer be contained by her own dresses and pants.
After the baby was delivered, Allison couldn’t stand the sight of Bridget anymore because it reminded her of her weakest moments and her deepest shame.
The Discovery of Heaven
His parents sent him to a religious school where weekly chapel held in a massive gym was mandatory. By accident, one day he discovered the world beneath the bleachers where all the disenfranchised students slept or studied undisturbed during the hour of singing and sermons.
Hippie
When he got back from the war, he refused to cut his hair until his father quit smoking. It was down to his waist when the old man passed away.
Pass-time
She had never really wanted to move out on her own, anyway. That’s how she became addicted to the Food Network.
Vicious Cycle
She avoided arguing because she’d seen so many arguments between her parents. Her mother fought with her father because she had built up decades of resentment after avoiding arguments because she had seen so many of them between her parents.
Either/Or
His grandfather passed only after several agonizing years of cancer, while his father went suddenly in a late-night heart attack. He could never decide which way was better.
Unworthy
The first time she undressed before him, he almost felt guilty. He thought perhaps he should tell her she was too beautiful to be there, because she obviously didn’t know it.
My Dog
Today I put my dog down.
My arms were tired.
Masks
The assassin pulled the mask off of the female target’s dead body, and much to his shock, realized it was his wife and she had been working for the enemy all along. Two hundred yards away, the couple’s only son fixed his sniper’s scope on his mother’s masked murderer and pulled the trigger.