Category: Two Sentence Stories

He didn’t like the Mona Lisa.
He wanted to be remembered for his carved buttons.

You really don’t need to tell me what you did.
There are no stars so it is pretty obvious.

People all around the world are really addicted to this “true love” thing, huh?
Maybe some kind of partner exchange program will help them out.

You delight and offend me in equal amounts.
Up the delight and I’ll marry you.

You hear that buzzing sound?
It’s the dark cracking void where your soul used to be you fucking marketing sellout shit.

Despite having many jobs where people call me a writer I still don’t believe it.
(I’m just faking it everybody …)

I don’t really have any inner demons.
I’ve got inner lemons though.

I understand completely that you love me.
But do you obsessively write about me in little notebooks that will be found after your death?

My training with you was just fantastic and so totally worthwhile for my future.
When I need to stay up to 3am, crying and discussing a relationship I am so going to rock at it!

Welcome to corporate slavery and meaningless drudgery.
Oh, I mean welcome to your cubicle.

When you’re surrounded by assholes there is only one thing to do!
Lube up baby.

Physicists are currently working to discover all kinds of new particles.
I’ve got one for them: fuckingboredatworkidium.

I really do feel for you.
Not pain, but what I imagine pain to be like.

I wanted to fight injustice and save the world!
Instead I had to sell out just like the rest of you.

Great, so the world belongs to the meek.
What the fuck am I going to do with my jumbo-mega-destructor laser cannons now?

You want proof invisibility has completely and utterly been achieved?
Think of all the people you know who are wearing invisible leashes.

I wish there was a candy that was a tiny explosion of joy.
Nah, I’d probably get addicted.

All my friends say it will get better.
And I say it’s a soufflé – this is as good as it gets.

She treated men like cats treated lizards or butterflies they might play with or torture, but never bother to eat. She didn’t date them, but she flirted with boys and men of all ages—even professors whose classes she was already acing—just to see how they would respond.