Harper Valley Redux

Nobody really liked her; however, that didn’t stop her from sashaying (like a cat in heat) out onto the stage, wearing the tightest, shortest (Harper Valley PTA sleazy) hooker red dress we – or probably anyone else for that matter – had ever seen, to accept (without any reservations) the award for teacher of the year. Of course, the pubescent young men present erupted into thunderous applause, dog woofs, and whistling (a sound akin to what happens when someone scores a touchdown at the Superbowl), while the girls and adults – totally embarrassed by this flagrant sexual display – sat silent with looks of disdain and arms folded as she stepped up to the microphone and said,

“I want to thank you all for this honor, which I could not have possibly imagined that I would win; however, I cannot accept it, and would like at this time, to present it to my friend and colleague, Mary White, who is a better teacher, better person, better dresser (greeted by snorts and laughter) and is not having an affair with the principal,”

and, this being said, then handed the plaque to Mrs. White (who had been runner up), turned and walked out of the auditorium, which had fallen into complete and utter silence.

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Rating: 7.0/10 (8 votes cast)

A Teacher’s Mistake

Stricken by a sudden surge of carelessly uncalculated compassion, she allows her hand to crawl from the open pages of his history book to the now-developed ridges of his right arm. He smells the lavender fragrance of her long, blonde hair and it is not long before the media arrives in their howling chariots, handing out shovels for the community to bury them alive beneath the thick, boiling tar of shame and half-truths.

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Rating: 7.1/10 (11 votes cast)