Any nurturing parent of any baby boy knows that changing junior’s diaper presents a quasi-baptismal threat.
At such a time, it is hardly mere selfishness to look out for Number One.
The One
Lorraine is certainly a great lover.
More significant, by far, the woman loves greatly.
Something was missing
Growing up, he always thought that he would never lose his innocence.
It was in those sleepless nights and those dark thoughts, that he realized that it was gone.
The Writers
When the Zombie Apocalypse came, the first to die were the writers. [290 BLANK PAGES FOLLOW].
Hostage
Although their mouths were covered up by ski masks and scarves, their voices nonetheless rang out in four-part harmony, clear and sweet. “As long as they don’t kill me,” he thought, “this will have been better than going to the office today.”
Horror Story
I am a horror story; you should be afraid to pick me up, lead me on, make me fall in love with you, let me down and break my heart.
Cause if you do all those things, I promise you I’ll hunt you down, because I don’t let go that easily, I’ll take my soul back and leave you there for dead.
The Baby Is Crying
She lay in bed, burying her head under the pillow, replaying the sensation of his fingers on her skin. Two weeks had passed and it would be fourteen more endless days before she saw him again.
Secret Skin
“Stay,” he begged, tears streaming, “stay with me, and I’ll… I’ll let you kiss me.”
There was no hesitation, no second-guessing; he took his brother’s face in both hands and kissed him deeply, knowing that now, there was no way he could run away.
Almost a Crime
Since the mind of Vice President Joe Biden frequently wanders, he really should do all he can to prevent such occurrences.
Biden’s mind seems too small to go out by itself.
Judgement Rendered
Shortly before receiving the divorce papers, he tried, desperately, to reconcile with her; the man stll believed his marriage could be saved.
He has since learned that when a husband appeals to his wife, and a lawyer answers, it is proof of already separate lives.
There Could Be Cramming
Sex education in school can be embarrassing for kids.
Parents sometimes catch them doing homework.
A Heart
She stopped when your heart started hearting. But which heart was it?
Old Man at Prayer
Time is what’s killing him.
He asks for more.
Burned in a Match Race
This is how a gambler once summarized his short stay in Saratoga, New york: “Cost me just about everything I owned to buy a really good-looking thoroughbred, and I couldn’t wait to race the horse.
Unfortunately, I beat him.”
Knock Knock
Faint tapping came from Frank’s wall each night. He dreamt of messages from lost souls, but he always forgot them come morning.
Loving From Afar
Fancied so many. Embraced so few.
Hurricane
The tavern’s roof had been torn off and its owner couldn’t afford repairs.
He decided to reopen immediately–as a “topless bar.”
Stars Are Killers
The stars are killers. Whenever they fade out and die, their light dies too and we are left in darkness, only to be consumed by nothingness.
An Apparently Acceptable Alternative
Like most people, he never actually tried to kill himself.
For shamefully long periods of time, however, he had chosen to stop living.
Capricorn
All of the writers and singers and geniuses that were blessed enough to be born under the starsign of Capricorn were alcoholics with awful family lives and terrible human skills.
And since I am also a blessed Capricorn, who thinks she can write, sing, draw and paint, and I am so scared of a normal family, I think that I should start drinking, so that my dog can save me from myself when I get too caught up in these shenanigans.