Mom and Dad had always told me to knock on a closed door before going into a room. I thought maybe my closet door didn’t count until the day I opened it and saw the monster I always knew was in there banging a transvestite hooker.
My wife, whose love and devotion means more to me than anything else in the world, is due to have our first child in August. Today I found out I’m sterile.
I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy there’s somebody on my bed.”