“In a never-ending quest to manipulate their planet to better suit their every selfish desire, the Earth-dwellers attempted to cease the eruption of all volcanoes by pumping all of the core’s magma out into space,” Professor Ylyvys explained to his eighth-grade class about the ex-planet that had become infamous even to them, nine galaxies away. “They never fully understood the aliveness of their planet until they drained its life-blood, which killed not only Earth but also everything and everyone on it.”
I fished the thing out of my belly button late last night, but I was too sleepy to take a close look.
After breakfast I threw it under the microscope and zoomed in until I could see quite clearly that it was the fully globalized planet Earth.
Robotic computers annihilate mankind. Earth reboots.
I once wished on a shooting star. The blasted thing fell to earth and hit me in the head.
I look out the window and see Earth. What’s left of it, anyway.
I watched this document on exotic birds, and for some reason the flamingos really struck my nature, particulary the Andean flamingo; I voyaged down to the High Andes of Chile, only to witness a beautiful flock of these majestic birds, and by the power of Thor, one flew within literally arms reach of me and exclaims, “Sir, you must pay close extremely close attention, before everyo-,” he stares prominently at my nose, then demands, “…are you Jewish?” I dumbfoundedly replied, “… well, yes, what does tha-,” before i even finished, damn bird scampered…racist bastards.