We slept together twice, in case you’ve forgotten.
Maybe you should stop asking my advice on your next doomed relationship.
Tag: sex
Pants
That deep and meaningful conversation we had was just a ploy to get in your pants.
For a hot night with you I’d even talk like, pro sports or something.
Knees
She used to get down on her knees a lot.
Not for praying.
Invitation
Tia tried out many invitations to boys over the years.
The most successful: come conquer me.
Bed Sheets
He may have slept in those bed sheets.
But Honey, I’m the one that made you change them.
The Plumber
He was a fireman and studying to be a plumber. He came over to fix my shower and after that was done, he showed me his hose.
Naughty
Let’s be naughty, she lied.
I’m going to spank you, he lied.
Unfaithful
I caught my husband having sex with the girl that lives down the road,today. The one girl he constantly complained that her boobs and ass were too big, he was repulsed by them and that he didnt understand why men would b attracted to her.
Swedish
We salute you, hot Swedish girls.
We salute you with our hand and other body parts.
Presentation
Look, I’m having a little trouble trying to concentrate on your marketing presentation.
Just over an hour ago I was cock deep in my girlfriend and I can still smell her on my fingers (plus you are SO boring it’s not funny).
Romance
You’ll never see your wife and children
again. So tell us what it was going through your head when you looked into their eyes
and said “no thanks I’ll take the hooker instead.”
List
18 year old, 19 year old, 9 months pregnant, all holes, army, audition, banana, barely legal, bed sex, big nipples, bondage, bottle, braces, caning, chained, classy, corset, cute, doggystyle, drooling, dyed hair, electrified, face fucked, fat teen, fitness, foursome, gagged (bite or ball), gloves, hairy arms, hitch hiker, housewife, insertion, jeans, jungle, kitchen, Korean, lactating, lezdom, lollipop, machine fucking, massage, mouthful, nun, nurse, nympho, oldy, oriental, pale, pedal pumping, police, ponyplay, POV (point of view), pregnant teen, pussypump, red bottom, riding, rubber, satin, schoolgirl, skinny, speculum, submissive, tickling, tricked, uniform, university, vacuum torture, waitress, whip, wired pussy, xmas, young.
Oh, and true love.
Cubicles
Cubicles make my pussy so wet.
More phrases an office-worker will never hear.
This Isn’t The Title
I felt the cold wet object pierce my pussy as I wailed in pain.I smashed the bottle over the same guys head and began the long,sexual process of giving him a blowjob and sitting on his wet slick penis,up and down up and down,oh the glorious sensation of rape and revenge.
Freaks of knifes
During an unforgettable one-night-stand the girl revealed she fantasized about a knife being part of the foreplay. When I asked her who should hold the knife, she answered: “I already am.”.
Religion, Mystery, and Sex
Good God, I’m pregnant! I wonder who did it.
The Morning After
On the first morning that Harriet woke up next to the young tan man beside her who barely spoke a word of English, she worried to herself, “Have I made a foolish mistake?”. 35 years of mornings later and she smiled as she watched the sleeping tan man in her life lay next to her, and she reveled in knowing that it was the best foolish mistake she had ever made.
Gender Fluidity in the Heat of the Moment
The woman I picked up at the bar sucked me off like no one ever had.
I’m still not sure what surprised me more: when she said, “Your turn” and lifted up her dress to reveal an erect cock, or when I leaned in to return the favor.
Fridge
Pieces of her ended up in the fridge. Inside the freezer, her lifeless eyes stare coldly at her heart— blaming it for her shortcomings.
Dilemma
I’d really like to sleep with the barrista at my favourite coffee shop. But if things get awkward I’ll never get to have one of their fantastic lattes ever again.