My hobbies include remembering happier times, imagining a successful version of me attending our high school reunion and hoping we find alien life before I die.
C’mon Mars Rover, you can do it!
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Moment
She borrowed my pen and a moment loomed.
Next time, next time, next time I’ll speak.
Little steps
The way you get to hell is by little steps, so small you can hardly tell you’ve moved at all.
This is also the way you get your girlfriend to try out anal.
Chatter
The fact everyone dies is the one thing that keeps me going.
I hear you chatter and I think … please you next.
Storylines
Many TV series have their storylines altered by actors coming and going.
Do you wonder if it is for the best … for the worst?
In love
At the end, we were in love with other people.
She, with me of the past, me, with she of the past.
SUV
Climate change is real and will result in the ice-caps melting and the oceans rising.
I’m hoping that it all happens in one day and every fucking SUV driving American is at the beach.
Unmarried
I’ve reached the age where all the unmarried girls around me are really starting to get desperate.
You’d be amazed of all the slutty things they do.
Offer
Your offer of a special eight-month infatuation package with free extras such as wild sex at the start but none later and crying really late at night is quite intriguing.
Throw in a free t-shirt and some affection coupons I’ll never redeem and you got yourself a deal.
To a good home
People are always giving away pets and some of them say they’ll visit but they never do.
Me and my brother are forever grateful as we lower the mewling bucket down the well to Dad.
Flailing
I may be failing as I flail around for some meaning in this life.
Just gonna flail harder (and fail harder).
Free ride
There is no such thing as a free ride.
Unless you happen to come upon a stolen dodgem car.
Get it all
I actually did “get it all”.
You wouldn’t believe how big my storage room is.
Platitudes
When I asked for your opinion I didn’t actually want it.
I wanted hollow platitudes – how fucking blind are you?
Birthday
I’m getting Jesus a Tonka truck for his birthday this year.
I’ll keep it until he turns up.
Commodities
Remember back in the old days when stars were burning balls of fusion, light years away?
Now they’re just commodities and I feel we’re the poorer for that.
Future
The future flops out in front of me like a wrinkled carpet.
Hey look – lions.
Money
If only we could teach teenage boys that the amount of hot pussy they can get is directly proportional to the amount of money they have.
Within a generation we’d have some of the hardest working motherfuckers in the world.
Bone
They said he was a “bone-chilling” villain.
I checked his fridge but I didn’t find no bone.
Life
The best thing about my life is that it is like living in a movie.
It’s a western-romantic-time-travel-teen-roadtrip-comedy.