We gathered in the museum and studied the small dried thing behind the glass.
“Look what they’ve done to my dream,” said Dad.
Category: Two Sentence Stories
Church
Of course I go to church.
The church of Bacon, sucka!
Hydrogen
Hydrogen is good for you!
Postage is good for you!
Surgery
You know why they knock us out for surgery?
So we won’t discover we’re robots.
Bowie
I know with absolute certainty these sentences will be the only to survive the destruction of our civilisation and will be endlessly puzzled over and analysed for deeper meaning forever and ever.
With that in mind, David Bowie is freaking awesome.
Found things
I cleaned my room and found many of the things you had left behind.
My self-respect wasn’t amongst them.
Do this thing
Ok, I’m here and I am ready to distract you from the fact that you’re well into your twenties with absolutely nothing to show for it.
Let’s do this thing, baby!
Shaved
I shaved today and then I felt his gaze on my absurdly young looking face.
Fuck you Truancy Robot, I’m an adult!
Beautiful
You are truly beautiful.
Like a pumpkin.
Raincheck
Ok, I said we should take a raincheck.
I didn’t mean for us to have this ten-year drought!
Sorting
Yesterday, as a group we spent the whole day sorting ideas into categories.
Today we’re going to work out what to do with the overflowing smug box.
Advice
I have advice for when you happen to buy a dog.
If the breed is GIANT FIRE-BREATHING Border Collie, don’t just assume that is the pet store being all clever and funny to sell dogs.
Cowboy
You change so gradually you can’t distinguish the individual steps.
First up you buy a silver belt buckle and then four years later people in your neighbourhood just refer to you as “the Cowboy”.
Founder
Man I can swim so well now that I keep hoping for a boat to founder and then we have to swim back to the shore and then you’ll think I’m awesome!
Want to come out on my Grandfather’s totally safe not old at all boat with me?
Future
A flicker of the future for you.
A dim light, a soft bed, a weak tea.
Theft
I bought the aged sofa and set it out on my veranda, ready for a good summer.
In winter, while throwing it away, I found the earring she accused me of stealing down the back of the cushions.
Sweet feeling
Let’s do it one more time before that sweet feeling fades.
C’mon, bruise me!
Eating out
I’ll have the gourmet socks with a side of yarn and a glass of cotton.
Eating out is the best.
Poison
We found Mary dead in the morning and jealousy raged through the house for the rest of the day.
Jules, being the wasteful fool as usual, swallowed damn near a kilogram of arsenic although we told him that wasn’t Mary’s poison of choice.
Experimentation
She enjoyed sexual experimentation.
Eventually there were few sections of the supermarket she could walk in without feeling turned on.