Category: Two Sentence Stories

I’ve kissed so much corporate ass that I don’t even notice the taste anymore.
Other people can smell it though, and see the stains.

So all the baby boomers have tied up the housing market and made it impossible for people like me to ever buy a house.
The only solution is to start murdering old people to move some property back onto the market!

You know what would be so much better than that boring old marketing presentation?
How about you flash yourself?

The success of former school bullies sometimes really gets to me.
Then I think “hey, maybe they’ll get cancer and die in horrible pain” and I feel a bit better.

I wish everyone was wrong.
Pi going on forever and ever just feels so … icky.

How it went with the new girl?
First she was fucked then she was just fucked up.

Let’s all sing that song!
Hey yeah, it’s all I want, it’s all I need yay!

Sometimes I look at you and I just want to fuck you raw.
Oh, America, you dirty little tramp, you love it.

China wants more oil!
I named my car China.

A consortium of western countries, one of them America, extract most of the oil in the region.
Teenage pimple drilling is a big business in 2034.

Oh, Christmas is here.
Fuck.

Getting old really just snuck up on me.
One minute you’re 120, fit and healthy, the next you’re 450 and starting to get those first wrinkles.

I often wonder if those guys on the side of the highway shovelling gravel think about how they fucked up high school.
Or do they just think about all the pussy they got?

I meditated and finally got in contact with my inner child.
My inner child is an ass.

Hey web-stalkers!
Thanks for stopping on by, and thanks for the sex/job/emotional support or whatever else it was you gave.