The Wanderer

The big orange cat tiptoed along the top rail of the fence, all the while watching the yapping Chihuahua on the ground below and anticipating reaching the next yard, where the elderly woman waited with a tasty morsel she had saved just for him, after which he continued his outing to the field where he watched robins pulling fat worms from the damp ground and dreamed of robin for supper, then completed his journey back home to his favorite nap spot.

“Tom, you lazy cat,” she said as she arrived home from work, “I’ll bet you have been sleeping there in the sun all day, haven’t you?”

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After seventeen long days of a trial that had been postponed for two long and brutal years, she finally had her chance to ask the defendant one question that has been burned in her brain since the day she found his body.

“Who the hell gave you the right to play God with my father’s life?” she screamed, crying, as she swatted the taste clean out of the murderer’s mouth.

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The Damned, About To Study Why

“All right class, before we turn on our screens and hear about the great pipeline disaster of 2037, I need you to reach under your seats and bring out your particulate masks. Make sure they’re tight, because Weatherman Jim has predicted a level seven fall this afternoon, and we don’t want any of that nasty stuff to get in our little lungs, now do we?”

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Aussie Man, American Woman

He came from the land down under, to an unfamiliar life in the countryside of a new land full of love and understanding which turned to apprehension. Looking in the mirror one day, he said this is not for me so he left that life and just down the road, he met the love of his life and found his salvation in an American woman.

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Now that’s what I call potential

“Just my luck that all the soccer moms are dads nowadays, and they still drive minivans,” he bitched to his son as he parked while wiping the foam halo left on his beard from the paper-wrapped tallboy. Maybe I’ll get lucky he thought to himself as he exited his red Chevy Astro,doing his best to hide his “lucky” boner.

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Humble Pie

Jogging down the trail, in the green of spring, I saw a beautiful cluster of butterflies in the path. As they gracefully fluttered off at my approach a startled laugh escaped at the realization that even a butterfly’s got to eat a little crap now and then.

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The Ironic Move

She waited 15 years to finally have stability and even begged her husband to get a stable job so she could get out of God forsaken Wales – a beautiful country with hardly any crime. Unfortunately, they wound up moving to Houston – an ugly city with nothing but crime.

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Dead Skunk

She sat on the side of the road, staring at the body, flattened and bloodied by her oversized SUV, wondering if she should call someone or just leave and try to get the smell of the creature off of her. She felt bad in a way, because after all, every creature has it’s redeeming qualities, but he had cheated on her with her own sister, so of course, he had to die.

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Rating: 8.2/10 (6 votes cast)